Unintentionally Betraying God

As His daughter, I have to admit that this is a hard subject to shine a light on. But it needs to be brought into the open so that restoration can begin. Healing happens in the light. And the very things we bury, the heavy weights we carry in silence, often keep us from rising into the women God designed us to be.

So… how did we get here?

How do we find ourselves in the territory of unintentionally betraying God?

At first glance, you might have read that title with an eyebrow raised like, “Girl… excuse me? You said what now? Are you serious?”

Honestly, if I saw someone else write a post with this title, I would probably side-eye them and whisper, “How do you ‘unintentionally’ betray God? You sure you don’t want to ‘unintentionally’ take an Uber to hell?”

Haha.

But truthfully, this topic came from my own awareness. The moments I unknowingly placed God last. The times I put something or someone ahead of Him. The seasons when I looked to other sources for fulfillment and comfort, while having little capacity or desire for closeness with the heavenly Father.

And when I finally saw it clearly, it stung.

But it also freed me. And it still is freeing me.

The Many Ways We Unintentionally Betray the Father

I do not want to paint the picture that you or I are inherently bad women who deserve condemnation. That is not the purpose of this article. Most of the time, when we fall short of the standard of faith, it is not because we are intentionally rebelling. It is usually because our affection has been misplaced.

Here are four ways I have seen unintentional betrayal show up in women’s lives, including my own.

1. Idolizing Love & Romance

This often happens when we believe that a relationship, or even the idea of one, will provide the deep, soul-level love that completes us. Many of us have fallen for romance culture and the “happily ever after” fantasy we see in movies.

For years, I believed that romantic love was one of the solutions that could complete me, too. During both partnered and single seasons, I experienced fantasizing about being pleasing in a man's eyes, making him happy, getting swept off my feet, and living "happily ever after". And somehow, this relationship would be the source of my joy, sense of purpose, and where I derive my sense of value.

But eventually I realized I was placing another person on a throne that did not belong to them. Many women do this without noticing it. We try to be perfect. We feel sad in our solitude. We dedicate our focus and emotional energy to someone else or the idea of someone else. We meditate on romance because we believe it will heal and complete us.

If we are honest, there are times we desire him, a man, more than we desire Him, the God who created the man.

That is how we slip into idolatry and unintentional betrayal.

But God desires to be the One our hearts rise for. He delights in our reverence and awe. Yet many times, our eyes light up for people we admire or desire instead of the Father who created us.

Ask Yourself

Do I genuinely find God amazing?

Do I see God as the prize?

Do I delight to be held by my Heavenly Father?

Am I excited to meet with Him each morning?

Who has first place in my thoughts, the Father or them?

Do I seek Him as my source, or do I abandon God the moment someone else shows me attention?

God longs to be the love of our lives, not put on the back burner.

2. Starting the Day in Fantasy Instead of Fellowship

A fantasy is the imaginary world we create in our minds to escape stress or emotional discomfort. Many women use fantasizing as a coping mechanism because it feels safe and soothing.

My own journey began as a little girl. I dreamed of a life where I was always happy, undisturbed by the chaos and domestic violence happening around me. Mentally escaping helped me survive emotionally. But as I grew older, it became a habit. I lived more in my head than in the real world.

And I want to say this clearly. Fantasy is not a moral flaw. Most of the time it is a trauma response. It is something our mind created to help us cope in moments when our heart did not feel safe.

When I felt lonely, instead of going to God or tending to my heart, I imagined a life where I was "successful, happy, wealthy, perfect" and with a partner who would complete me. I created conversations and scenarios that comforted me, but they never truly healed me.

Over time, I learned that whatever we turn to first becomes what we worship.

If the first thing on our mind each morning is fantasy instead of fellowship, then, unintentionally, we have placed something above God.

Awareness helps us recognize where healing, nurturing, and reconnection with our Heavenly Father is needed.

3. Looking to People as a Source

I often ask myself, Who is my source?

When I need reassurance, security, provision, love, or attention, who do I go to first?

If I am honest, it has not always been God.

Like many women raised in environments lacking emotional safety, I learned to look outward for identity, encouragement, validation, and a sense of worth. Before we understand who God is and who we are in Him, we often rely on people to fill the gaps in our hearts.

But anything we depend on becomes our god.

When we view someone else as the source of our peace, identity, or security, we give them a position only God should hold. Human connection is beautiful, but it is not strong enough to carry what only God can.

We must choose who we depend on first: God or others

4. Trusting Our Own Strength More Than His

Sometimes, without meaning to, we make ourselves the god of our own lives.

This often shows up as hyper-independence. We refuse help. We resist guidance, even from God. We believe we must figure everything out on our own.

My hyper-independence came from growing up without emotional support. Being the first in my family to attend college, learn about trauma, and coming from survival mode, I had to figure a big portion of life out by myself. So, when I initially tried God as a source, and he did not move on my preferred timeline, I grew impatient and turned away from Him, depending on myself more than on Him.

Disappointment and letdowns teach many women to depend only on themselves. But when our strength becomes our identity instead of God’s strength, it becomes another form of idolatry.

Relying on ourselves more than on the One who created us is another way we unintentionally betray Him.

Healing Begins with Awareness

These four examples are only a few ways in which unintentional betrayal can show up. This is not meant to condemn, but to help us become aware of what is happening inside our hearts. These actions are not always intentional betrayals, but they are betrayals of intimacy. They are places where our hearts drift.

And when you learn about these things, it may sting. Trust me, same here. You may think, wow, I really do this. Is God disappointed in me? Am I a bad daughter? And shame may try to creep in. But here is the truth. You are healing. I am healing. We are all growing.

We bring these areas into the light so we can expand, be restored, and rise, not so we can live in shame. When we know, we grow. And as kingdom daughters, healing happens through compassion, not harsh shame.

Where Idolatry and Betrayal Are Born

Every struggle has a root. Idolatry and unintentional betrayal often grow out of wounds we never chose.

Some of these wounds include:

• Feeling starved for affection

• Growing up without the steady and tender love of a father

• Not receiving the attention we desperately needed

• Believing we are incapable of soothing or nurturing ourselves without someone else

  
  

These experiences plant false beliefs inside us.

• The belief that we are unlovable without someone validating us

• The belief that we cannot be whole without another person

• The belief that healing must come from anything or anyone except God

But the deeper truth is this.

We need love. Not surface love. Not temporary comfort. But a love that reaches deep and makes us whole. We often think that kind of love is found in another person, but in reality, it is found in our Father.

God is not condemning you today. He is not mad at you. He understands you. He sees the root of your thoughts, habits, and behaviors. He reveals these things not to shame us but to invite us closer.

He is saying, I want to love you. I want to be your source. I want to meet your needs. Come sit with Me.

What we are aching for is not human.

It is holy.

And it comes from our Heavenly Father Yahweh, through His Son, Yeshua (Jesus) the Messiah.

He is the love that completes us.

He is the love that fills the hollow places.

He is the love that restores what childhood, heartbreak, loneliness, and fear tried to steal.

And when we return to Him, we do not just stop unintentionally betraying Him.

We stop betraying ourselves.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, please heal us in the areas where You know we need care. Please wean us off the sources we unintentionally believed could complete us. Restore Your daughter's heart, mind, soul, and identity to You. Please forgive us for unintentionally betraying You and drifting away from Your presence. Thank You for being so merciful, patient, and gracious with us as we heal. In Yeshua’s name, amen.

With love and grace,

Kingdom Daughter, Shyteria 

🤎

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If this article blessed you and you believe it may help another kingdom daughter heal, please share it with her.

Shyteria Smith, M.Ed.

Faith & Trauma Recovery Coach

Trauma-Informed Educator

Founder, Kingdom Daughters Healing

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